<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Lorna the Problem Child by Graysonsginger</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24368206">Lorna the Problem Child</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Graysonsginger/pseuds/Graysonsginger'>Graysonsginger</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>DCU, DCU (Comics)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Attempt at Humor, Clones, Gen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 11:01:08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,075</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24368206</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Graysonsginger/pseuds/Graysonsginger</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>When Lex first tried cloning Superman, he grabbed the wrong hairs. Now Lorna (Luthor) Lane will make him regret it for the rest of his life.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Lorna wins a court case</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Inspired by a tumblr post, I now give you the AU where Lois Lane has a clone whose main hobby is causing problems on purpose.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>It was not Lex’s fault that Lois Lane and Superman’s hair looked so similar. But it was his problem.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>See, he’d had to answer a question: how do you clone a man who doesn’t bleed? The answer had been deceptively simple really: hair. Lex snuck into Clark Kent’s apartment, gathered hair samples from the drain, and that should’ve been the end of the story. No such luck.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Some of those hairs belonged to the unbearable Lois Lane. Of course, he found out quickly, and yes, of course, he intended to get rid of it, but he was busy at the time trying to figure how to stabilize Kryptonian DNA enough for cloning. Before he knew it, the subterranean lab in Cadmus Genetics was in shambles, and his creations, both accidental and purposeful, had been unleashed on the world.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’d wanted a clone of Superman. Instead, he’d gotten Superboy, who ran off with Robin and Impulse the first chance he got and, more worryingly, a hyperactive teenaged replica of Lois Lane.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She named herself Lorna (never a good thing for the scientists when their clones start naming themselves), and started investigating all the usual clone questions. Who was she? Where did she come from? Why was she here? Except she had the brains of a world-famous investigative reporter, so despite the shell companies, fake names, and off-shore bank accounts, she traced any dangling thread all the way back to Lex’s front door, the actual Lois Lane in tow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lanes were not the kind to take settlements or accept hush money or heed gag orders. No, they annoyingly believed in justice and law (not that their trespassing records showed that). The highly publicized legal battle that ensued earned Lex’s lawyers a pretty paycheck as they kept his ass out of prison over the (very illegal) cloning operations, but served him a far greater punishment: split custody.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lorna Luthor-Lane (again, never let clones name themselves) was to spend every weekend in Lex’s home, eating his food, using his wi-fi, and generally making his life a living hell. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, <em>Dad</em>,” Lorna said, knowing exactly how much Lex despised it, “You should take me to the hockey game tomorrow.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m busy.” He said, glaring at her as she set her soda down right next to, not on top of, her coaster.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lorna pretended not to observe his reaction as she licked the french fry salt and grease from her fingers. “You could use the good press.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This was true. The board was not happy with him after the court case, and his COO had all but threatened to kill him with his own hands if Lex didn’t play nice, at least until the heat died down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lorna took a drink from her mostly empty soda, the sound of the gasping straw drowning out Lex’s words.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You-” She did it again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-.” And again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lex slammed his hands on the table. “Will you stop that slurping if I agree?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lorna smiled, though her delight was from his irritation. “Thanks, Dad! Don’t worry about the tickets, I already took care of them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You used my credit card, I assume.” If Lorna thought a couple thousand dollars would ruffle him, she miscalculated by a couple billion.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She just kept smiling like a cat with a canary, “Yep. Fantastic seats. Right against the glass.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm. Perhaps you will catch a flying tooth.” Lex said. Hockey was not his favorite sport.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ooh, then you could clone your own team.” Lorna added, for once the venom in her voice overwhelming the faux sweetness. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lex wisely did not respond to the comment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lorna got up from the table. Lex swore she neglected to push her chair back in just to spite him. Halfway to her room she cast a glance at him from over her shoulder. There was a threatening gleam in her eye even as she played innocent. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, and I think you know the guy seated next to us.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who?” Lex asked, heart sinking. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oliver Queen.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She didn’t need to see Lex’s expression to know the affect her words had, but she relished how his face fell anyway. Afterall, Lorna Luthor-Lane’s mission in life was to be Lex’s problem.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Lorna gets a key</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Still the early days of the Lex and Lorna household.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Not now Mercy.” Lex was busy trying to draft an email without using phrases like “rot in hell”. Whatever his assistant had to say could wait.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s at your house, sir.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lex was out of his chair and pulling his jacket on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sir, your laptop.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dammit, Mercy, there’s no time!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As Lex had feared, Lorna was not waiting in the building’s lobby. But, he didn’t have time to harangue the desk clerk—his court-appointed daughter was in his condo </span>
  <em>
    <span>alone</span>
  </em>
  <span> doing he-could-only-guess to his electrical wiring or his flooring or his genuine Piet Mondrian. He would have to continue to guess because when he shoved his door open, he only saw Lorna sitting on the couch, scrolling through her phone. If Lex had hairs on the back of his neck, they would be raised in suspicion.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh hey, Dad!” Lorna said like she was so innocent.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How did you even get inside? Did you pick the lock again?” Lex fumbled to look at the door’s handle.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lorna leaned over the back of the couch, “Nope, since I still don’t have a key, Jerry let me in. He’s such a nice guy, very talkative.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Forget haranguing, Lex was going to have the desk clerk f-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hope you’re not thinking of firing him. I don’t think you could take the PR hit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean by that?” Lex preferred if Lorna was more specific in her threats.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just that with the stalking and illegal cloning, I wouldn’t think you’d want add homophobic to the list, but if you want to see Mr. and Mr. O’Brien in court over workplace discrimination, that’s on you I guess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lex pinched the bridge of his nose, fighting off a tension headache.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lorna held up her phone, “Would you like me to call Lois to get the exposé started now or…?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t.” Lex growled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With an ulcer-inducing smile, she went back to whatever game she had been playing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I should really have a key.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lex grumbled and huffed and shouted all weekend, but by Monday, Lorna had a shiny new key to the condo—and only the front door. No elevator or general building access, though Lex estimated it was only a matter of time before she altered that.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Just a short new chapter, hope you liked it! For this fic specifically, I'm open to requests on characters/pranks/etc.</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hope you enjoyed! I have a few ideas, so I think I'll return to Lorna every once in a while. If you have opinions on the shenanigans Lorna, Lex, and the whole Superfam can get up to, send them my way.</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>